Thoughts.

While recovering from surgery and essentially out of order in the sexual department for a few days I’m left with nothing to do but think.

So it’s been about a month into this journey for me. It’s been a month that I’ve questioned a lot of things about myself. I’ve doubted myself and I’ve pushed myself and I’ve made choices that I never thought I’d make. All in all I’d say that I’ve landed right where I want to be at this point in my journey.

When I decided to embark on this journey there was someone who very quickly jumped in and was willing to help me along. And while he was fun and gave me several things to really push myself with, he wasn’t really a fit for me I decided very quickly. While deciding that I wanted more from my journey I found an ad, an ad that intrigued me. I kept going back and reading this ad, several times a day for several days. I wanted what was written in this ad, this person appealed to me on all levels, though I did not feel worthy enough to reply to the ad.

I finally decided that it couldn’t hurt to try and the worst that could happen is I wouldn’t get a response. So I typed up my reply. My reply was rather lengthy as I almost felt comfortable with this person before we had ever spoken. I didn’t really know what was expected in a response to an ad, but I just tried to paint a picture of my desires to him. I hoped to demonstrate in this one letter that I may be a fit for what he was looking for. I was hoping for a chance.

Later that day, he responded and our kinks have matched up pretty well. It’s nice to be able to have an intelligent conversation with someone, on top of having some pretty kinky conversations. It’s like the best of both worlds, very fulfilling to me. I consider myself lucky to be called his slave.

So here I am, I have a Master that I’m very happy with. I’m very pleased with my very short journey so far. But I find myself still questioning things.

Is it normal for me to trust someone to the point that I’d almost break my limits for them?
I mean, I do have a few hard limits, and those remain firm. It’s the floating limits, the things I don’t particular like or I’m not sure of. I think it could find myself enjoying them, for him. I find myself enjoying great pleasure simply by pleasing him.

My sexual desires seems to have increased tremendously. Is this normal? And will it stay that way? Is there things I can do to keep myself this excited?
While I’d love to be his insatiable horny slut for ever, I almost feel like this is will wear off at some point. Is there a way to keep the new feeling from wearing off, and to enjoy it this much for ever?

How can I be a better slave?
While I know no one can answer this question for me, I still lingers in my head. I think my Master and I have a pretty good open communication and he is always very reassuring and kind. It’s more of a personal desire, not something I think is lacking. Maybe “be better” isn’t the correct wording, I want to grow as his slave. I want to be better, I want to learn, I want to be pushed, I want to be taught, I want to be held accountable, I want to be punished. But most of all I want to please him, I want him to be proud of me.

I feel like this has all been a missing piece to my puzzle. It’s something I’ve thought about and wanted for a long, long time. But I think it’s more than a want, I think it’s a need. I think that I need this in my life to feel complete.

These are just a few of the thoughts currently swimming around in my brain. I’ve always been one to think a lot, mostly overthinking things. My narcotic induced state has really made my thinker go into over drive. But, on the plus side, it’s produced some pretty vivid dreams, if only I could remember those.

Ropes.

I guess you could say I’m still learning the ropes of submission. This is all still very new to me, but I’m enjoying it tremendously. I’m eager to learn more, eager to become a better slave, and eager to serve my master.

Today, seeing as I had the day off work, and some pretty important days coming up toward the end of the week, I asked my Master to please give me task to do today. Some task that would provide me the distraction i need so much at this time. But most importantly, I wanted task that made me feel like the slut I am while I did them. Like his slut.

I knew he was busy so I waited patiently hoping he would have something for me to do. I wanted to feel his control, and I wanted to please him.

My master gave me 2 task. First, I was to take pictures while playing with myself in the kitchen. He wanted to see just how slutty I could be. The second task was to spend the remainder of the day bound. Wrist bound and ankles bound. Even a rope around my neck.

When I read the first task, I decided to have a little fun with it. Well more fun than I normally would have while playing with myself for him. I wanted to surprise him. I wanted to give him a little something extra, and I hoped he approved.

I found some lingerie and dressed up a bit, slipped on some thigh highs and a nightie and posed against the kitchen counters for him. I felt sexy, and I really hope he enjoys the pictures I took for him.

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I laid back on the cabinet and touched myself. Already worked up from posing, I’m rubbed myself gently at first and worked up to sliding a few fingers inside myself, it felt so good. I wasn’t given permission to cum so I had to stop before I got to close.

After getting so close to an orgasm and having I stop, I couldn’t think of a better way to cool myself off than to slide down over the kitchen sink and spray myself off with cold water. The sensation of cold was intense against my hot wet pussy. It was a distraction from the orgasm, but it also felt good. I turned the water a bit warmer and let the warm water pulse against my clit, it felt amazing. All I could do is lay there and squirm and moan. But I still didn’t allow myself to cum. When I couldn’t take any more. I got up to send the pictures I had taken to him, hoping he approved.

After the pictures were uploaded and emailed I proceeded to tie myself. I struggle with knots, but I was able to at least keep them neat while tying.

I tied my ankles first, with just enough slack to hobble around the house if need be, as he instructed. Next I tied a rope around my throat. Don’t worry, I kept it plenty loose as not to restrict air intake or to worry about choking myself. And lastly I tied my wrist, which proved to be the most difficult.

So here I am, typing this for everyone to see. Letting everyone know what kind of slut I am. Hoping to please my Master.

Master.

Raised in the south I’ve always answered politely. We say yes sir, no sir, yes ma’am, no ma’am. We call people we don’t even know honey or baby. It’s just how we’ve been raised. We address our children as sir and ma’am from time to time, just to reinforce manners, these are titles of respect, and we respect even our children. Calling him Sir seemed natural, and came easy to me. Until today, today he decided I would call him Master.

Where I’m from, anyone with a penis can be a sir, yet it takes someone special to be a master, or to be my master anyway. To me, a sir is more of a disciplinarian, someone with control and deserving of respect. A master is someone with the highest level of control, and therefor a higher level of commitment. Someone you can give yourself over to completely. Some one who’s word is law. A slave becomes their master’s property and bad behavior will be dealt with appropriately. To get to this point there needs to be trust, understanding, and mutual respect.

I feel honored to be allowed to call him my master. Honored that he has given me a chance to serve him. I consider myself lucky that he even saw my response to his ad worthy of a second look.

I consider myself a lucky slave to have someone to call master who’s interest seem to fit so well with my own.

Thank you Master for being you. You are awesome!