Thoughts.

While recovering from surgery and essentially out of order in the sexual department for a few days I’m left with nothing to do but think.

So it’s been about a month into this journey for me. It’s been a month that I’ve questioned a lot of things about myself. I’ve doubted myself and I’ve pushed myself and I’ve made choices that I never thought I’d make. All in all I’d say that I’ve landed right where I want to be at this point in my journey.

When I decided to embark on this journey there was someone who very quickly jumped in and was willing to help me along. And while he was fun and gave me several things to really push myself with, he wasn’t really a fit for me I decided very quickly. While deciding that I wanted more from my journey I found an ad, an ad that intrigued me. I kept going back and reading this ad, several times a day for several days. I wanted what was written in this ad, this person appealed to me on all levels, though I did not feel worthy enough to reply to the ad.

I finally decided that it couldn’t hurt to try and the worst that could happen is I wouldn’t get a response. So I typed up my reply. My reply was rather lengthy as I almost felt comfortable with this person before we had ever spoken. I didn’t really know what was expected in a response to an ad, but I just tried to paint a picture of my desires to him. I hoped to demonstrate in this one letter that I may be a fit for what he was looking for. I was hoping for a chance.

Later that day, he responded and our kinks have matched up pretty well. It’s nice to be able to have an intelligent conversation with someone, on top of having some pretty kinky conversations. It’s like the best of both worlds, very fulfilling to me. I consider myself lucky to be called his slave.

So here I am, I have a Master that I’m very happy with. I’m very pleased with my very short journey so far. But I find myself still questioning things.

Is it normal for me to trust someone to the point that I’d almost break my limits for them?
I mean, I do have a few hard limits, and those remain firm. It’s the floating limits, the things I don’t particular like or I’m not sure of. I think it could find myself enjoying them, for him. I find myself enjoying great pleasure simply by pleasing him.

My sexual desires seems to have increased tremendously. Is this normal? And will it stay that way? Is there things I can do to keep myself this excited?
While I’d love to be his insatiable horny slut for ever, I almost feel like this is will wear off at some point. Is there a way to keep the new feeling from wearing off, and to enjoy it this much for ever?

How can I be a better slave?
While I know no one can answer this question for me, I still lingers in my head. I think my Master and I have a pretty good open communication and he is always very reassuring and kind. It’s more of a personal desire, not something I think is lacking. Maybe “be better” isn’t the correct wording, I want to grow as his slave. I want to be better, I want to learn, I want to be pushed, I want to be taught, I want to be held accountable, I want to be punished. But most of all I want to please him, I want him to be proud of me.

I feel like this has all been a missing piece to my puzzle. It’s something I’ve thought about and wanted for a long, long time. But I think it’s more than a want, I think it’s a need. I think that I need this in my life to feel complete.

These are just a few of the thoughts currently swimming around in my brain. I’ve always been one to think a lot, mostly overthinking things. My narcotic induced state has really made my thinker go into over drive. But, on the plus side, it’s produced some pretty vivid dreams, if only I could remember those.

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Ropes.

I guess you could say I’m still learning the ropes of submission. This is all still very new to me, but I’m enjoying it tremendously. I’m eager to learn more, eager to become a better slave, and eager to serve my master.

Today, seeing as I had the day off work, and some pretty important days coming up toward the end of the week, I asked my Master to please give me task to do today. Some task that would provide me the distraction i need so much at this time. But most importantly, I wanted task that made me feel like the slut I am while I did them. Like his slut.

I knew he was busy so I waited patiently hoping he would have something for me to do. I wanted to feel his control, and I wanted to please him.

My master gave me 2 task. First, I was to take pictures while playing with myself in the kitchen. He wanted to see just how slutty I could be. The second task was to spend the remainder of the day bound. Wrist bound and ankles bound. Even a rope around my neck.

When I read the first task, I decided to have a little fun with it. Well more fun than I normally would have while playing with myself for him. I wanted to surprise him. I wanted to give him a little something extra, and I hoped he approved.

I found some lingerie and dressed up a bit, slipped on some thigh highs and a nightie and posed against the kitchen counters for him. I felt sexy, and I really hope he enjoys the pictures I took for him.

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I laid back on the cabinet and touched myself. Already worked up from posing, I’m rubbed myself gently at first and worked up to sliding a few fingers inside myself, it felt so good. I wasn’t given permission to cum so I had to stop before I got to close.

After getting so close to an orgasm and having I stop, I couldn’t think of a better way to cool myself off than to slide down over the kitchen sink and spray myself off with cold water. The sensation of cold was intense against my hot wet pussy. It was a distraction from the orgasm, but it also felt good. I turned the water a bit warmer and let the warm water pulse against my clit, it felt amazing. All I could do is lay there and squirm and moan. But I still didn’t allow myself to cum. When I couldn’t take any more. I got up to send the pictures I had taken to him, hoping he approved.

After the pictures were uploaded and emailed I proceeded to tie myself. I struggle with knots, but I was able to at least keep them neat while tying.

I tied my ankles first, with just enough slack to hobble around the house if need be, as he instructed. Next I tied a rope around my throat. Don’t worry, I kept it plenty loose as not to restrict air intake or to worry about choking myself. And lastly I tied my wrist, which proved to be the most difficult.

So here I am, typing this for everyone to see. Letting everyone know what kind of slut I am. Hoping to please my Master.

Master.

Raised in the south I’ve always answered politely. We say yes sir, no sir, yes ma’am, no ma’am. We call people we don’t even know honey or baby. It’s just how we’ve been raised. We address our children as sir and ma’am from time to time, just to reinforce manners, these are titles of respect, and we respect even our children. Calling him Sir seemed natural, and came easy to me. Until today, today he decided I would call him Master.

Where I’m from, anyone with a penis can be a sir, yet it takes someone special to be a master, or to be my master anyway. To me, a sir is more of a disciplinarian, someone with control and deserving of respect. A master is someone with the highest level of control, and therefor a higher level of commitment. Someone you can give yourself over to completely. Some one who’s word is law. A slave becomes their master’s property and bad behavior will be dealt with appropriately. To get to this point there needs to be trust, understanding, and mutual respect.

I feel honored to be allowed to call him my master. Honored that he has given me a chance to serve him. I consider myself lucky that he even saw my response to his ad worthy of a second look.

I consider myself a lucky slave to have someone to call master who’s interest seem to fit so well with my own.

Thank you Master for being you. You are awesome!

9 rules, 9 ways.

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Today my master formally assigned me rules. Most of them had been understood rules from the beginning but something about seeing them listed makes them more official.

There were nine of them. Nine rules to remind me that I belong to him. Nine rules that I was to write or type out and hang, prominently displayed for me to see often. I wrote them out, because that felt more personal to me. I made them colorful and pretty, or I thought so anyway.

The fun part came next. With the nine rules I was told to get nine toys, and after he picked out on for my bed, I was told to put the 8 others in different places around the house. I was to use each toy for 5 minutes and 5 minutes only, then movezb on to the next one. When I got to the last toy, the one he picked, I was allowed to cum but not before my 5 minutes was up.

I probably should’ve arranged the toys in a different order, but oh well, I made what I had work. The first toy was my biggest that I actually use located in my bathroom. I have trouble taking all of this toy without working myself up too it, so it was just kind of a tease for the first 5 minutes.

The second toy was a nipple pump, with rubber bands in my closet. This was a new toy, and I may have had too much fun with it, though I think it would take longer to get better results. It took me a bit to figure how it worked but I loved the feeling. But I generally enjoy my nipples being squeezed and pulled anyway.

The third toy was a g-spot vibe in my laundry room, though it needs batteries and I don’t really like it so I don’t use it much. The most interesting part of this was the cold tile floor, just a completely different sensation. I fucked myself with it for the 5 minutes and wasn’t really ready to stop when the timer went off.

The 4th toy was a clit stimulator/vibe on the kitchen cabinet. While vibration on my clit can easily and quickly bring me to an orgasm at any given time, the dirty feeling of being fucked on the kitchen cabinet really enhanced my arousal.

The 5th toy was where it really got interesting. It was a pink vibe, my favorite actually and it was on the kitchen table. I laid back across the kitchen table with my legs spread wide and fucked myself for the full 5 minutes. The way my house is designed anyone who came to the door could see me fucking myself on the kitchen table. Though no one came, I didn’t somewhat fantasize about being caught the whole time.

Next was the butt plug. Also a new toy that I bought with intentions of being able to wear it for longer times and maybe out in public. It was in my living room on top of a piece of furniture near the door. I probably got the least out of this 5 minutes as I didn’t have lube with it and I had to suck it and use my spit for lube. I did finally get it in, and fucked my ass with it a bit while bent over the furniture before the timer went off. I was disappointed that the timer went off so soon!

The 7th toy was a glass, candy came shaped dildo on the couch. The cold of the glass felt really good sliding in, and quickly warmed to body temperature. It felt good to get something back inside my sloppy wet pussy and this 5 minutes seemed to fly by.

The 8th toy was eggs in the living room floor facing the door. I’m not sure what they are actually called but they are intended to be inserted vaginally and can be worn for longer periods of time. Like the more common balls, but egg shaped. I slipped these in and laid back on the floor and spread my pussy and rubbed my clit. I found myself having to slow down a few times while doing this. I wanted to cum so bad and these 5 minutes seems to take for ever.

Then finally the last toy, a plain dido, in my bed and permission to cum. I laid back on the bed and pushed myself quickly to an edge and backed off just enough to keep myself there until I heard the timer. Several times I didn’t think I would make it but tried to avoid looking at the clock. As soon as I heard the timer I exploded with an intense much needed orgasm.

The whole time I fucked myself in various places around me house I thought of how it would feel to have my master fuck me in every room of the house. This made this task much more fun and exciting as I imaged him laying me across the table, or bending me over right in front of the door and fucking me.

Thank you Sir for providing me with such an arousing experience and allowing me to cum. You’re the bestest.

Punishment.

There are consequences for everything you do in life.  Sometimes we don’t acknowledge them as consequences, but everything you do lays the foundation for the future.  Sometimes the consequences are apparent, and sometimes they are implied.

If you have been following my blog then you may recall that I was given an assignment the other night that I did not complete on time.  I knew there would be punishment, and I actually looked forward to the punishment.  The biggest punishment was probably self-inflicted as I felt bad about disappointing my Sir.

I’be always been hard on myself.  I don’t like failing and I never half-ass do anything.  If something is worth my time, it is going to be done to the best I’ve my ability.  I like the satisfaction of completing something successfully.  This applies to every aspect of my daily life. My job, my hobbies, my relationships, everything.  So, needless to say, when I was unable to complete an assignment for my Sir, I was pretty bummed with myself.

He was honestly much more accepting, for lack of a better term, than I was.  Not to say there wasn’t consequences, but he was calm and percise.   He was almost comforting to me, as talking to him about it made me relax some and stop being so hard on myself.   But he told me I would have a punishment when I got home nonetheless.

The anticipation of a punishment was exciting.  I know punishments are supposed to be punishment, but I was looking forward to it.  Mostly because I have never been punished before.  I was excited for the experience and not for the actual punishment I guess. I didn’t know what to expect in a punishment, or what he would require from me.

The punishment seemed pretty simple:

1. I was to be naked, completely exposed until morning.

2. I was given a writing task that was meant to make me uncomfortable, maybe embarass me.

3. I was to sleep on the floor naked, no blankets with my hands bound.  I would have to earn the right to sleep in his bed again.

I was already close to naked anyway, as he requires my pussy and ass to be accessible at all times.  Basically I just had a shirt on at the time.  After removing the shirt I was told to get on cam for him.  I’m getting more comfortable being on cam for him, but still feel pretty exposed, and nervous.  After a little bit of talk I was instructed to get started on my writing assignment.

The writing assignment was a story that turned into a roleplay situation between him and I.  The subject, while out of my comfort zone, brought back memories of personal experiences.  This assignment, which was supposed to be embarrassing and uncomfortable all of a sudden felt more real.

I wrote this story, and I was turned on by it.  Maybe I shouldn’t have been, but I was.  My story became our story as we roleplayed through it, expanding on the scenario I had written.  This was hot, mentally and physically arousing.  We played out details of this story and in my mind I was there.  I felt like I was the character in the story mentally and physically.  This experience was new for me. It felt dirty. It felt wrong. But I liked it.

Lastly, I readied for bed.  Alone in the dark I was left to think.  I wrote him an email and thanked him for my punishment before tying my hands and settling in to my bed.  After thinking for a short while, I drifted off to sleep, and I slept hard.

I woke up a few hours later.  I was cold.  Freezing.  The parts of my body that weren’t numb hurt.  I tried to wake up a little better hoping to warm up.  It didn’t work.  I ended up safe wording and getting some blankets.  His intentions were never for me to freeze, but for me to feel exposed.  I stayed on the floor because I didnt deserve to sleep in his bed yet, but I needed some covers.

Before falling asleep again, I thought more.  Laying there with my wrist bound, on the floor, I thought.  I was a mix of emotions.  I was disappointed in myself for failing his assignment.  I was proud of myself for pursuing my desires to be a slave.  I was thankful.  Thankful that he gave me the opportunity to explore myself and my desires.  Thankful that he has given me a chance.  And I smiled before drifting back off to sleep.

Movie Night

I was given a task by my Sir to find 3 “movies” of different topics and report here why I picked them and what I liked about them. I was supposed to pick movies that pushed myself, things that may interest me but are out of my norm. I was to edge the entire time, but not allowed to cum. This, coupled with the fact some new toys I ordered came in today, was almost torture. I wanted to cum, and I wanted to use the new toys to cum. This was assigned to me last night to be completed before he awoke this morning.

Although this seems like a pretty simple assignment I found this very difficult. Maybe I’m picky, but the porn I found was really lacking. I had ideas in mind that I wanted to find and was unable to find anything that really fit the ideas I had in my head. I put about 5 hours into this. Considering this, I had very disappointing results.

I failed him on this task, the first time I’ve failed him. I’m sure it isn’t the last time, but I’m still disappointed in myself.

The first movie I picked was a mfm threesome. I picked this movie because I’d love to be trapped between 2 dicks. My holes being used for their pleasure. While the movie doesn’t exactly follow what my fantasy of this is, this is how I imagine it when I masturbate to this fantasy.

I love oral, I love a dick in my mouth, or pussy juices smeared across my face while my tongue is buried into some little bitches cunt. I’d love to have my Sir’s dick in my mouth, preferably starting soft/semi-soft so I can feel it harden in my mouth. Teasing it, licking it, sucking it. As I really get into it, where I’m moaning and squirming with his dick in my mouth and my ass in the air. Pussy and ass exposed. Someone comes behind me, sliding a finger or 2 first, and then a dick into my undoubtably wet pussy. I want to feel it slide in deep and slow, with them picking up speed until they are fucking me good and hard like the whore I am. I want them to fuck me hard enough that my Sir has to take control of my blow job, wrapping his hands in my hair and fucking my face. Using my mouth for his pleasure. I want to gag and drool.
Between 2 guys, both using me like the slut I am.

This movie also had some double penetration. I loved the way the girl looked with a dick in both holes. Full and satisfied. While watching it I fantasized what it would be like to have all my fuck hole filled. The thought of it is overwhelming. I’m not sure my body could take that much pleasure at once. This is something that will most likely always be a fictional fantasy and not something I ever do.

The 2nd movie I choose was a fmf threesome. I choose this one because I enjoy oral sex, as mentioned before. Having a dick to suck and a pussy to eat at the same time would be heaven. I’d love nothing more to be between her legs while she rides him reverse cowgirl, licking her clit and his dick, and sucking his balls.
After he shoots his load inside of her, I wish I was able to lick the cum from her wet pussy cleaning her up. Hopefully bringing her to another orgasm with my tongue.

The last movie I picked was boss/secretary type movie. I picked this one because something about being fucked in an office turns me on. To be on my knees under a desk, or just with my Sir’s dick in my mouth in an office. Knowing people are outside the closed door, or could be at any given moment. To have to bite my lip to keep myself quiet As he bends me over a desk and fucks me. To be used like the whore I am and sent back to work, with my sloppy pussy and/or ass leaking his cum down my legs because he forbids me wearing panties.

This assignment started last night and ended this morning. Though I’m not sure how “ended” it is considering I failed him. My pussy is wet and screaming for release. Today at work will be a constant reminder of the dirty whore I am. His whore.

Please.

As the plane began to descend she struggled to hide her nervousness.  She checked the time and went over the checklist in her head.  She wanted to be sure everything was perfect.  She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.  The time had come for her to meet her master.

When the plane touched down, along with the jolt of the plane, her heart skipped a beat.  Another deep breath, which brought with it his voice sounding though her mind.  His voice soothing her fears and calming her.  She began to smile.

She grabbed her small carry on and made her way out of the plane.  She only had a few personal effects with her, the rest he had instructed her not to bring.  She wouldn’t be needing much for clothing on this trip.  This made travel easier and she wouldn’t have to wait for checked luggage to be unloaded from the plane.   Once again she went through her mental checklist hoping she hadn’t forgotten anything; hoping to please him.

As she rounded the corner past the security gates she adjusted her clothing, pulling down her skirt, trying to hide herself from the crowd.   She was wearing a short skirt with no panties as he instructed, and she could feel the breeze on her pussy as she walked which made her constantly aware of her wetness and excitement.  She looked around for him and her nervousness kicked into overdrive again as she suddenly realized she didn’t know what was expected of her.  She always over thought things when under pressure.  Besides, how would she thank him for the time he put into her training.

Then she saw him, her eyes locked onto his and she smiled.  She looked away as she began to walk toward him.  Still unsure of herself but trying to look confident.  As she approached him she cast her eyes downward in submission, then laid her head on his shoulder.  His embrace warm and comforting, she knew she was where she belonged, in the arms of her master.

His hands began to slide down her back and  gripped her ass firmly, she let out a soft moan and blushed.  He quickly broke the embrace and gestured for her to walk.  She walked toward the exit with him closely behind her.  She could feel his eyes inspecting her, undressing her.  After he was done inspecting his property he took lead and led her into an emptier terminal.  She was once again nervous, but incredibly turned on as well.

He backed her into a corner, in this virtually deserted  terminal.  Only a few people around, but to her it felt like they were all staring at her. As if the could see her nakedness and knew her story.  He kissed her hard, pressing himself against her firmly, and wrapped his fist into her hair, pulling her head back slightly.  He kissed her neck and her knees became weak as she let out an audible moan. He whispered in her ear what a good slut she was  and firmly pinched her right nipple before turning away.

She stood in shock. Unsure of herself, her body betraying her mind.  She shook with nervousness and desire.  She wanted to feel his body against hers again, she wanted him now.  As he turned to look back at her she realized she was now standing in the corner alone and rushed to catch up with her master not caring that her skirt slipped up a bit higher with each hurried step.  He never slowed to wait for her, enjoying her brief moment of panic and watching her struggle to catch up, all while showing off the tops of her thighs, occasionally even getting glimpse of her freshly shaved pussy.

She continued to follow him out of the airport and into the parking garage.  The garage was nearly packed full and seemed dark even in the middle of the day.  He noticed she began to adjust her clothing again and scolded her.  She left her skirt as it was but now felt completely exposed and vulnerable.  She hoped they didn’t have far to walk.  Her cheeks blushed as she passed a young couple, the man seeming to undress her with his eyes and the woman looking at her with knowing eyes.  She felt like such a whore.

They finally arrived at his car, conveniently located at the far end of the garage.  He popped the trunk and instructed her to toss her bag into it.  As she did he stepped in close behind her, closing the trunk and pushing her down upon it almost in one swift movement, causing her skirt to slide up on her hips.  She was caught off guard and gasped loudly.  He once again wrapped his fist into her hair, pulling her head back and reminding her that she was his property and he  thought it was a good time to inspect her.  Reminding her that any sounds she made would only draw attention to her now completely exposed sex.

She tried to remain quiet as he ran his hands down her sides, continuing down her thighs.  But his touch felt amazing and she let out soft moans almost continuously.  His hands circled back up to her naked ass and squeezed hard, then gave a firm smack on each cheek, just to remind her he was the master.  He continued to play with her, inspecting every inch of her exposed bottom, slowly inspecting lower as he went.  She began to arch her back, pushing her ass toward him, hoping for some contact on her pussy.   He squeezed her ass one last time then slipped a hand between her legs, her squirming resembled more of a grind and this point, and anyone in the area would definitely hear her moaning.

His palm rubbed across her sex, gently, not giving her the release she was needing.  He stroked her lips softly spreading them and feeling the heat and wetness fully for the first time.  He slipped one finger in her slowly and she gasped, moaning loudly.  He removed it just as he inserted it, slowly.  In between her heavy breathing he heard her say “please”.