February Photo Fest.

Tomorrow starts a new month in which I am attempting a “February Photo Fest”.  A photo a day for the entire month of February.  The basics of the rules to this is that they have to be pictures taken by me or of me and they should have at least an erotic or sensual feel about them.   This will be a challenge for me as I generally am not happy with my body and tend to hide behind the camera in order to avoid being in pictures.   Hopefully this will be a great learning experience for me as I explore myself and my camera.  Hope you enjoy the show!

I am joining in this with some other bloggers on, click the picture below to check out their project!

Photofest

As the month goes on I’m sure I will be lacking in ideas of something different to post, So if you have any suggestions let me know!

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Good night.

Today has been a weird day for me. This is actually the second post I’ve typed, though the other one ended up being a little to personal and was filed away as private.

Today I’ve struggled. I don’t really know what I’ve struggled with or why. I have a lot of issues, and often I’m over emotional about them. It wasn’t a bad day, just not a day I that I felt like I was even a glimpse of a representative of my true self.

To struggle without a clear reason makes it hard to move past, often I need a good nights sleep and just a chance to start over fresh the next day. I guess everyone has the right to a bad day.

It’s days like today that the little things matter the most. Things that we don’t even realize matter most of the time, which are often the things we fail to appreciate.

Some times it’s the things we do every single day that we don’t really think even matter. This small caring gestures that become normalcy. Like the good morning, and good night text I get nearly everyday.

Today, one simple thing made my day. He told me good night.

Thoughts.

While recovering from surgery and essentially out of order in the sexual department for a few days I’m left with nothing to do but think.

So it’s been about a month into this journey for me. It’s been a month that I’ve questioned a lot of things about myself. I’ve doubted myself and I’ve pushed myself and I’ve made choices that I never thought I’d make. All in all I’d say that I’ve landed right where I want to be at this point in my journey.

When I decided to embark on this journey there was someone who very quickly jumped in and was willing to help me along. And while he was fun and gave me several things to really push myself with, he wasn’t really a fit for me I decided very quickly. While deciding that I wanted more from my journey I found an ad, an ad that intrigued me. I kept going back and reading this ad, several times a day for several days. I wanted what was written in this ad, this person appealed to me on all levels, though I did not feel worthy enough to reply to the ad.

I finally decided that it couldn’t hurt to try and the worst that could happen is I wouldn’t get a response. So I typed up my reply. My reply was rather lengthy as I almost felt comfortable with this person before we had ever spoken. I didn’t really know what was expected in a response to an ad, but I just tried to paint a picture of my desires to him. I hoped to demonstrate in this one letter that I may be a fit for what he was looking for. I was hoping for a chance.

Later that day, he responded and our kinks have matched up pretty well. It’s nice to be able to have an intelligent conversation with someone, on top of having some pretty kinky conversations. It’s like the best of both worlds, very fulfilling to me. I consider myself lucky to be called his slave.

So here I am, I have a Master that I’m very happy with. I’m very pleased with my very short journey so far. But I find myself still questioning things.

Is it normal for me to trust someone to the point that I’d almost break my limits for them?
I mean, I do have a few hard limits, and those remain firm. It’s the floating limits, the things I don’t particular like or I’m not sure of. I think it could find myself enjoying them, for him. I find myself enjoying great pleasure simply by pleasing him.

My sexual desires seems to have increased tremendously. Is this normal? And will it stay that way? Is there things I can do to keep myself this excited?
While I’d love to be his insatiable horny slut for ever, I almost feel like this is will wear off at some point. Is there a way to keep the new feeling from wearing off, and to enjoy it this much for ever?

How can I be a better slave?
While I know no one can answer this question for me, I still lingers in my head. I think my Master and I have a pretty good open communication and he is always very reassuring and kind. It’s more of a personal desire, not something I think is lacking. Maybe “be better” isn’t the correct wording, I want to grow as his slave. I want to be better, I want to learn, I want to be pushed, I want to be taught, I want to be held accountable, I want to be punished. But most of all I want to please him, I want him to be proud of me.

I feel like this has all been a missing piece to my puzzle. It’s something I’ve thought about and wanted for a long, long time. But I think it’s more than a want, I think it’s a need. I think that I need this in my life to feel complete.

These are just a few of the thoughts currently swimming around in my brain. I’ve always been one to think a lot, mostly overthinking things. My narcotic induced state has really made my thinker go into over drive. But, on the plus side, it’s produced some pretty vivid dreams, if only I could remember those.

Ropes.

I guess you could say I’m still learning the ropes of submission. This is all still very new to me, but I’m enjoying it tremendously. I’m eager to learn more, eager to become a better slave, and eager to serve my master.

Today, seeing as I had the day off work, and some pretty important days coming up toward the end of the week, I asked my Master to please give me task to do today. Some task that would provide me the distraction i need so much at this time. But most importantly, I wanted task that made me feel like the slut I am while I did them. Like his slut.

I knew he was busy so I waited patiently hoping he would have something for me to do. I wanted to feel his control, and I wanted to please him.

My master gave me 2 task. First, I was to take pictures while playing with myself in the kitchen. He wanted to see just how slutty I could be. The second task was to spend the remainder of the day bound. Wrist bound and ankles bound. Even a rope around my neck.

When I read the first task, I decided to have a little fun with it. Well more fun than I normally would have while playing with myself for him. I wanted to surprise him. I wanted to give him a little something extra, and I hoped he approved.

I found some lingerie and dressed up a bit, slipped on some thigh highs and a nightie and posed against the kitchen counters for him. I felt sexy, and I really hope he enjoys the pictures I took for him.

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I laid back on the cabinet and touched myself. Already worked up from posing, I’m rubbed myself gently at first and worked up to sliding a few fingers inside myself, it felt so good. I wasn’t given permission to cum so I had to stop before I got to close.

After getting so close to an orgasm and having I stop, I couldn’t think of a better way to cool myself off than to slide down over the kitchen sink and spray myself off with cold water. The sensation of cold was intense against my hot wet pussy. It was a distraction from the orgasm, but it also felt good. I turned the water a bit warmer and let the warm water pulse against my clit, it felt amazing. All I could do is lay there and squirm and moan. But I still didn’t allow myself to cum. When I couldn’t take any more. I got up to send the pictures I had taken to him, hoping he approved.

After the pictures were uploaded and emailed I proceeded to tie myself. I struggle with knots, but I was able to at least keep them neat while tying.

I tied my ankles first, with just enough slack to hobble around the house if need be, as he instructed. Next I tied a rope around my throat. Don’t worry, I kept it plenty loose as not to restrict air intake or to worry about choking myself. And lastly I tied my wrist, which proved to be the most difficult.

So here I am, typing this for everyone to see. Letting everyone know what kind of slut I am. Hoping to please my Master.

Master.

Raised in the south I’ve always answered politely. We say yes sir, no sir, yes ma’am, no ma’am. We call people we don’t even know honey or baby. It’s just how we’ve been raised. We address our children as sir and ma’am from time to time, just to reinforce manners, these are titles of respect, and we respect even our children. Calling him Sir seemed natural, and came easy to me. Until today, today he decided I would call him Master.

Where I’m from, anyone with a penis can be a sir, yet it takes someone special to be a master, or to be my master anyway. To me, a sir is more of a disciplinarian, someone with control and deserving of respect. A master is someone with the highest level of control, and therefor a higher level of commitment. Someone you can give yourself over to completely. Some one who’s word is law. A slave becomes their master’s property and bad behavior will be dealt with appropriately. To get to this point there needs to be trust, understanding, and mutual respect.

I feel honored to be allowed to call him my master. Honored that he has given me a chance to serve him. I consider myself lucky that he even saw my response to his ad worthy of a second look.

I consider myself a lucky slave to have someone to call master who’s interest seem to fit so well with my own.

Thank you Master for being you. You are awesome!

9 rules, 9 ways.

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Today my master formally assigned me rules. Most of them had been understood rules from the beginning but something about seeing them listed makes them more official.

There were nine of them. Nine rules to remind me that I belong to him. Nine rules that I was to write or type out and hang, prominently displayed for me to see often. I wrote them out, because that felt more personal to me. I made them colorful and pretty, or I thought so anyway.

The fun part came next. With the nine rules I was told to get nine toys, and after he picked out on for my bed, I was told to put the 8 others in different places around the house. I was to use each toy for 5 minutes and 5 minutes only, then movezb on to the next one. When I got to the last toy, the one he picked, I was allowed to cum but not before my 5 minutes was up.

I probably should’ve arranged the toys in a different order, but oh well, I made what I had work. The first toy was my biggest that I actually use located in my bathroom. I have trouble taking all of this toy without working myself up too it, so it was just kind of a tease for the first 5 minutes.

The second toy was a nipple pump, with rubber bands in my closet. This was a new toy, and I may have had too much fun with it, though I think it would take longer to get better results. It took me a bit to figure how it worked but I loved the feeling. But I generally enjoy my nipples being squeezed and pulled anyway.

The third toy was a g-spot vibe in my laundry room, though it needs batteries and I don’t really like it so I don’t use it much. The most interesting part of this was the cold tile floor, just a completely different sensation. I fucked myself with it for the 5 minutes and wasn’t really ready to stop when the timer went off.

The 4th toy was a clit stimulator/vibe on the kitchen cabinet. While vibration on my clit can easily and quickly bring me to an orgasm at any given time, the dirty feeling of being fucked on the kitchen cabinet really enhanced my arousal.

The 5th toy was where it really got interesting. It was a pink vibe, my favorite actually and it was on the kitchen table. I laid back across the kitchen table with my legs spread wide and fucked myself for the full 5 minutes. The way my house is designed anyone who came to the door could see me fucking myself on the kitchen table. Though no one came, I didn’t somewhat fantasize about being caught the whole time.

Next was the butt plug. Also a new toy that I bought with intentions of being able to wear it for longer times and maybe out in public. It was in my living room on top of a piece of furniture near the door. I probably got the least out of this 5 minutes as I didn’t have lube with it and I had to suck it and use my spit for lube. I did finally get it in, and fucked my ass with it a bit while bent over the furniture before the timer went off. I was disappointed that the timer went off so soon!

The 7th toy was a glass, candy came shaped dildo on the couch. The cold of the glass felt really good sliding in, and quickly warmed to body temperature. It felt good to get something back inside my sloppy wet pussy and this 5 minutes seemed to fly by.

The 8th toy was eggs in the living room floor facing the door. I’m not sure what they are actually called but they are intended to be inserted vaginally and can be worn for longer periods of time. Like the more common balls, but egg shaped. I slipped these in and laid back on the floor and spread my pussy and rubbed my clit. I found myself having to slow down a few times while doing this. I wanted to cum so bad and these 5 minutes seems to take for ever.

Then finally the last toy, a plain dido, in my bed and permission to cum. I laid back on the bed and pushed myself quickly to an edge and backed off just enough to keep myself there until I heard the timer. Several times I didn’t think I would make it but tried to avoid looking at the clock. As soon as I heard the timer I exploded with an intense much needed orgasm.

The whole time I fucked myself in various places around me house I thought of how it would feel to have my master fuck me in every room of the house. This made this task much more fun and exciting as I imaged him laying me across the table, or bending me over right in front of the door and fucking me.

Thank you Sir for providing me with such an arousing experience and allowing me to cum. You’re the bestest.

Punishment.

There are consequences for everything you do in life.  Sometimes we don’t acknowledge them as consequences, but everything you do lays the foundation for the future.  Sometimes the consequences are apparent, and sometimes they are implied.

If you have been following my blog then you may recall that I was given an assignment the other night that I did not complete on time.  I knew there would be punishment, and I actually looked forward to the punishment.  The biggest punishment was probably self-inflicted as I felt bad about disappointing my Sir.

I’be always been hard on myself.  I don’t like failing and I never half-ass do anything.  If something is worth my time, it is going to be done to the best I’ve my ability.  I like the satisfaction of completing something successfully.  This applies to every aspect of my daily life. My job, my hobbies, my relationships, everything.  So, needless to say, when I was unable to complete an assignment for my Sir, I was pretty bummed with myself.

He was honestly much more accepting, for lack of a better term, than I was.  Not to say there wasn’t consequences, but he was calm and percise.   He was almost comforting to me, as talking to him about it made me relax some and stop being so hard on myself.   But he told me I would have a punishment when I got home nonetheless.

The anticipation of a punishment was exciting.  I know punishments are supposed to be punishment, but I was looking forward to it.  Mostly because I have never been punished before.  I was excited for the experience and not for the actual punishment I guess. I didn’t know what to expect in a punishment, or what he would require from me.

The punishment seemed pretty simple:

1. I was to be naked, completely exposed until morning.

2. I was given a writing task that was meant to make me uncomfortable, maybe embarass me.

3. I was to sleep on the floor naked, no blankets with my hands bound.  I would have to earn the right to sleep in his bed again.

I was already close to naked anyway, as he requires my pussy and ass to be accessible at all times.  Basically I just had a shirt on at the time.  After removing the shirt I was told to get on cam for him.  I’m getting more comfortable being on cam for him, but still feel pretty exposed, and nervous.  After a little bit of talk I was instructed to get started on my writing assignment.

The writing assignment was a story that turned into a roleplay situation between him and I.  The subject, while out of my comfort zone, brought back memories of personal experiences.  This assignment, which was supposed to be embarrassing and uncomfortable all of a sudden felt more real.

I wrote this story, and I was turned on by it.  Maybe I shouldn’t have been, but I was.  My story became our story as we roleplayed through it, expanding on the scenario I had written.  This was hot, mentally and physically arousing.  We played out details of this story and in my mind I was there.  I felt like I was the character in the story mentally and physically.  This experience was new for me. It felt dirty. It felt wrong. But I liked it.

Lastly, I readied for bed.  Alone in the dark I was left to think.  I wrote him an email and thanked him for my punishment before tying my hands and settling in to my bed.  After thinking for a short while, I drifted off to sleep, and I slept hard.

I woke up a few hours later.  I was cold.  Freezing.  The parts of my body that weren’t numb hurt.  I tried to wake up a little better hoping to warm up.  It didn’t work.  I ended up safe wording and getting some blankets.  His intentions were never for me to freeze, but for me to feel exposed.  I stayed on the floor because I didnt deserve to sleep in his bed yet, but I needed some covers.

Before falling asleep again, I thought more.  Laying there with my wrist bound, on the floor, I thought.  I was a mix of emotions.  I was disappointed in myself for failing his assignment.  I was proud of myself for pursuing my desires to be a slave.  I was thankful.  Thankful that he gave me the opportunity to explore myself and my desires.  Thankful that he has given me a chance.  And I smiled before drifting back off to sleep.